Three weeks ago – Thursday July 25th, 2013, Jeremy
and I received the call we've been waiting months for...
We had just left our weekly finance class and
headed over to a local bakery for our usual after - class treat. It was about
8:20 pm, Jeremy was paying for our cookies when my phone rang; it was a call
from our adoption agency so I slipped outside to take the call. At first I
thought it was just an update or a question about our file, but once I realized
this was THE call, I shouted to Jeremy. He looked like a deer in headlights, a
look of shock and excitement, while fumbling with his change to hurry outside
with me.
I listened closely and repeated all the information
to Jeremy as it was given to me. We were both anxious and excited. It was a lot
to take in in just a few minutes, especially since it meant that if we
accepted, our life would be changing the very next afternoon! We decided we
needed a minute to process this information, talk about it and say a prayer. We
walked to the car, got in, and sat for a good minute without saying a word,
completely shocked. I of course began to cry. There is no way to describe the
mix of emotions that come over you in this instant: shock, relief, excitement,
sadness, nervousness, anxiety, humility, and love. My biggest challenge, and
one that still brings tears to my eyes, is wondering what the birth mother must
be thinking, feeling, and going through in life to have to make this most
difficult decision. My heart literally breaks for her. As happy as we are in that
moment of possibility of completing our family, we always realize that another
is being torn apart in the process. Adoption is the ultimate definition of a
two- edged sword.
We talked for a minute and tried to remember all
the details we had just been given. It was odd how similar this situation was
to our last adoption call with Nicole! Again, just like before, we were both
together when we got the news, chatting and praying in a car in a parking lot.
Some of our biggest life decisions have been made in a car in a lonely parking
lot. I wrote everything down on paper that I could remember while Jeremy
inhaled his cookie! I've never seen him eat like that. I was actually scared he
might eat me! I on the other hand thought I might throw up and couldn't even look
at my cookie. Everyone handles emotions differently, right?! We talked about
the opportunity and what we would need to do to prepare that quickly. And
finally we said a prayer about our decision. We felt very strongly that this
child would complete our family.
We had some time to kill since our agency contact
was in a meeting. Now that we had our decision made and an answer ready to
give, we went into action mode, making plans of what we needed, what to do with
the other kids and what to tell them. We tried to think of what questions we
had since there were a lot of holes missing in our notes. Your brain can only
hold so many details in such a state, we forgot half of what our contact said.
It was finally time to call back and give our
answer- yes! We re-asked some of the same questions and hung up knowing we
would get more details the next day as to what would happen when. But on that
Thursday night the plan was that we would have a new son the very next day!
We debated whether to tell the kids yet or not. In
the end we thought it was best to tell them so they could start to wrap their
minds around this news. We would also have to warn them that there was a chance
that it might not happen at all though; there is always a risk involved and we
were putting their hearts on the line this time. They were already in bed when
we got home so we planned to tell them first thing in the morning.
Over breakfast Friday morning we announced the news
to the kids who were so happy to hear and overly excited to meet him! We were
all energized that morning and set about making preparations for our new son.
We cleaned his room top to bottom, set up his bed, and did some chores to clean
the house. We had to steal Natalie's mattress in order for him to have a bed to
sleep in that night; poor Natalie offered to sleep on the floor for a few
nights until we could go buy another mattress. I also sorted through boxes of
clothes to pull out sizes that might fit him. I had bought a few things here
and there from friends the past few months in anticipation, not knowing what
size we would actually need when the time came. This was the fastest version of
nesting in history!
After our speedy hard work we packed up and headed
out to do a little shopping for some necessities we were missing, like a car
seat. We bought a few outfits, diapers, wipes, bedding and curtains for his
room, and searched everywhere for a car seat to no avail. By this time we had
heard that our plans for that day had to be postponed until Saturday. That was
a relief, it gave us all more time to prepare and let this momentous news set
in. We continued shopping and cleaning until late and then went to bed. It
took Jeremy and I a while to fall asleep that night, we were too anxious for
what tomorrow would bring.
Saturday morning I took Natalie with me to search yet
again for a car seat. We went to a few more stores, but I couldn’t find a car
seat I liked in our budget range. I was getting desperate! We went back to
where we started –Walmart, the store that has everything, except what you need!
I found a helpful employee. No, he really was, imagine that. When we were there
the day before they said they had the one we wanted in stock but they didn’t
know where, and they obviously weren’t about to search for it. This time I
demanded a car seat, I wasn’t leaving without one. I didn’t have a choice, time
was running out. Every other option was either pink or a creepy Dora or Sponge
Bob. If you happen to be in that store go check out the car seats, you’ll see
what I mean. This competent employee dove into the depths of their warehouse to
search for that car seat. He reemerged with not one, but two of the car seat I
was after! Success! The boxes were destroyed and open, but he promised me the
seats were brand new and not damaged. He said they had not been put on the
floor due to the condition of the boxes having been ruined on the truck. I
looked inside and chose the one that wasn’t all dusty and headed for the check
out. Mission accomplished! We installed it the second I got home.
We did some more chores that day and let the kids
play for a bit while we anxiously awaited any news from the agency. Time went
so slow that day; painfully slow. After lunch, still no news. By this time the
kids were a mess of emotion, happy, excited, hyper, tired, crying and whining
all at the same time. None of us could stand it anymore, it was time to call in
reinforcements. Grandma and Grandpa Nelson came to collect the kids and take
them to their house for the day. After they left Jeremy and I sat on the porch
talking since we were out of things to do, we were dying for a call or a text
or an update of any kind. Finally we were told we could make our way towards
the agency! We frantically packed a bag and jumped in the car. Neither of us
believing our moment had really come.
I don’t remember what about or if we talked much in
the car, it was hard to breathe. Once again all those emotions came over me
again. As happy as I was, I was painfully aware of what must be happening at
the agency. I was dreading this exchange with every fiber of my being yet
couldn’t wait one more second. Talk about a nervous wreck!
As we drove we got another text that our meeting
would be a little later than planned which was fine because we were still a
ways out from Centerville. When we were just about there we received another
text that there was another delay and that the birth mom had decided that she
did not want to meet us after all. As much as I really wanted to meet with her
and get to know her, in this moment, it was a huge relief. With Nicole, we were
able to meet both her birth mother and father and we treasure that time we got
with them. I took a picture of them holding her (probably the only one we will
ever get of them) and am so thankful we have that picture to show her in the
future. In this case though, with an older child, and having done it before, I
couldn’t imagine or bear the thought of being a part of their goodbyes. I was
grateful she could do that in private, it seemed a more peaceful transition. We
respected her decision and understood. I hope some day we do get the chance to
get to know her and receive letters in response to ours.
We were told to wait nearby until it was time to go
in. We parked in an alley near the agency and waited…I had to get out of the
car and move, I couldn’t sit still. I was mostly just excited now, whereas Jeremy
was feeling very nervous and anxious. We paced back and forth and back and
forth wondering what he looked like, what his personality was like, what he
would think of us and how he would react to us taking him home. We waited an
hour until we finally got the text saying it was our turn, but were warned he
was crying and upset. We both took a deep breath and looked wide-eyed at each
other as we got into the car.
We could see him through the window when we pulled
up and it seemed like he had stopped crying. When we walked in he ran to the
social worker, clinging to her as he buried his face. We didn’t want to intrude
or scare him so we kept our distance and just stared at this handsome boy,
while talking with her. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep in her arms.
Once he was out she handed him to me. I got to hold him the whole time we
talked and while we signed all the legal documents. We were there for two hours.
When all was said and done it was time to go home. I handed him to Jeremy and
he woke up confused and a little scared and went running after the social
worker. At this point we were a little nervous about how he would react in the
car. Jeremy carried him out and buckled him in. We waved goodbye, held our
breath and were off.
We were so hungry at this point, but didn’t dare
stop the car. We agreed on drive through and got him some food too thinking he
might be hungry. So far so good, no tears. As I handed him chicken nuggets he
gave me silly faces and smiled. After a while he was laughing and playing, even
playing peek-a-boo with me! We both felt a little calmer now, but still
couldn’t believe this was all happening, it was all very surreal.
I had a moment of panic pulling into the driveway.
I thought, “this is it, he’s going to freak out as soon as we bring him into a
strange house and he doesn’t know where he is!” Once again he surprised us. He
went about exploring and playing with toys as if it were no big deal. We showed
him all around the house and all the kids bedrooms, including his own. He was
playing hide and seek and having a good time. Once we were settled a bit and
our nerves were calmer we called grandma and grandpa and told them to bring the
kids back home to meet their new brother.
When they pulled into the driveway I took him into
one room while they all lined up inside with their eyes closed. Natalie had the
idea the day before that they could all close their eyes so they could see him
at the same time and no one would be pushing or fighting to see him first. It
was a great idea! They were so excited to play with him and he with them it
seemed. They ran around together while we finally sat down comfortably relaxed,
the first time in a day and a half and talked to Jeremy’s parents in
bewilderment. The afternoon and evening had gone so well, better than we ever
could’ve imagined! It was getting late so we all gave them hugs goodbye and
were completely shocked when he joined right in and gave hugs all around! It
was such a special moment. We even got a few pictures of him with them that
night.
We said a prayer together as a completed family
that night and carried him around as we tucked all the kids in bed. We tucked
him in last then went straight to our room and crashed onto our bed, almost
giddy. Did this day really happen? Did he really not cry once? This was
unbelievable. About a minute later he reappeared in our room with his arms open
wide for a hug. Jeremy picked him up, snuggled him and tucked him back into
bed. That was it, he went right to sleep and slept all night. I’m sure it was a
big day for him too and he was tired.
On Sunday we normally go to church, but decided to
take a day to ourselves to get to know each other better. We took the kids to
the park to play and feed ducks while I photographed him. I wanted a few nice
pictures to make his debut with since all I had at that point were a few blurry
cell phone pictures. It was a nice relaxing day with our now-bigger family.
The next few weeks are a blur of family visits,
phone calls, doctor appointments, errands and activities. It was nice to have
that peaceful Sunday, because on Monday, life went back into full swing. Nicole
had gymnastics Mondays and Wednesdays, and all of them started swim lessons on
that Monday. Welcome to our busy family! Luckily Jeremy had most of that week
off to help me with everything and to get in more bonding time. I had signed
the kids up months ago for swimming lessons and was fortunate enough to be able
to enroll in a parent-tot class at the same time. I thought it would be a great
bonding experience and a good way to keep him busy. Jeremy even took a few
turns in the pool with him. He seemed to really enjoy it and loved the water by
the end.
It’s weird that it’s only been three weeks, he
seems like he’s always been here with us. It’s amazing how fast you can fall in
love with a child, but he has become part of our family. Our other kids adore
and love him too. And as far as we can tell he loves being here with us, playing
with his new siblings and going on new adventures. He is such a sweet and
loving boy, a testament to his mother’s loving care. We are ever indebted to
her and her greatest sacrifice.
With much thought, prayer, and consideration, we
have re-named him Jamal Antoine (middle name after his mother). Nicole thought
we should name him macaroni and cheese, but we felt Jamal was a better choice. I
liked the name Jamal, it means beauty and grace, both of which this kid is.
Now without further ado, the part you have all been
waiting for… pictures! We are excited to introduce you all to our kind-hearted,
almost two year old son Jamal.
Natalie is a little mommy
What kind of photographer mom would I be if I didn't take some "newborn" style shots? He is new to our family! These are fun for us because this is a onesie Kai wore at this age.
Silly faces
We love him THIS much!
If you are interested in reading about Nicole's adoption story you can find part one Here and part two Here.
When making a comment please be respectful of Jamal's birth mom who may eventually read this. Thank you!
