Journey to Nicole: Sleepless

12:00 pm Friday March 6th

We sat at a small table eating our lunch, wires on our heads, goop in our hair. It was snowing outside and cold. We laughed and talked; talked about sleep. Soon it would be time for another nap at the sleep center, hopefully our last nap of the day. 

It had been a long night already, neither of us sleeping well, separated in an office and lying on strange beds, covered in colorful wires. We were almost finished with our sleep apnea and narcolepsy tests. 

2:00 pm

Goodnight.

2:40pm

I felt a touch on my shoulder and pried my eyes open, pulled out my earplugs, and stretched. "You're all finished," the nurse said, "I'm going to go wake up your husband." I started to gather my things and happened to check my phone, there was a message...

"Hi Evelyn, I have some exciting news. There was a little girl born this morning and we need a family to be there tomorrow. We called you first, but I really need to know very soon or I will start calling other families. Please call me as soon as you can!"

I couldn't breathe, was this a dream? I saw Jeremy sitting up in bed out of the corner of my eye and jumped into his room and blurted out the news. The nurse helped us pull off our wires and we raced to the car to call Jane. We needed more information, this was a huge decision that needed to be made right then. There was no time to waste. 

We said one of the most important prayers in our life, and probably the shortest. I called Jane back with shaking hands and asked her what we needed to do to make this happen.

In the blink of an eye we were in a hurricane of motion and tasks to be done. First to the doctor's office for a blood test. I know people thought we looked strange with goop and orange marker on our heads, and crazy wild hair, but I didn't care! Next we decided to split up.

4:00 pm

At home I began to throw things into a suitcase while making hurried phone calls. Find place for the kids, pack, someone to feed dog, change my mind on clothes, repack, ask people to write reference letters and fax to Jane, pack clothes for kids....

Meanwhile Jeremy was at the bank, begging them to break some rules and let us withdraw money from our loan right then and there. I'm sure I can think of a couple of thoughts that crossed their minds based on his appearance! After much consideration,  a phone call to Jane, and a very nice bank employee who put his neck on the line, Jeremy got the check. 

We booked our flight, took a much needed shower, and got the kids off safely with Grandma and grandpa, and finished packing the suitcases. We got our things in the car and headed to Jane's house, completely exhausted.

10:15pm

We arrived at Jane's house to fill out all our paperwork and talk about the process and what to expect. It was nice to just sit for a minute, although I thought I might fall asleep. I don't remember what was said that night, it's all a blur. After our visit we were off to the airport.

1:00 am Saturday March 7th

Our plane took off. I put on that thing that airlines call a blanket, rested my head and tried to sleep. I heard Jeremy snoring on and off, and I know I managed to drift off a few times myself, but knew it wasn't going to be enough for the day ahead of us.

6:00 am - ??  ET

Gotta love the Atlanta Airport! It seems that no matter where a person is going you will almost always end up in Atlanta. I still couldn't sleep. Jeremy was curled up on the floor, lying on my backpack while I squinted at a page in the Reader's Digest. We half-heartedly ate a plain croissant for breakfast, hoping it would make our sick tummies feel better. Turns out, no solid sleep for two days makes you feel a little queasy. 

About 10:00 am CT

The moisture clung to our faces as we left the plane in Jackson Mississippi. The warmth felt so good. We drug our feet down to the baggage claim to find, nothing. Not a single bag. People were walking all around us, trying to figure it out. I was too tired to move, I thought if I stared at it long enough our bags might magically appear! Finally someone said the baggage line was broken and all the bags were being taken to the missing bag station. Jeremy and I were delighted to see our bags in the hall. However, not so delighted to find out our car seat was missing, it didn't make the flight. They also didn't have any infant ones in stock, so we had to march through half the airport to find one to borrow. Our next adventure was renting a car. We tried a few lines, but the sales people were busy, it didn't even matter what company, we just needed a car fast. We picked out a shiny red Nissan, that we both decided later we hated, the design just didn't make any sense. And we were on the road again, not at all safe to be driving at this point. We were headed straight to the hospital. From the last news we had heard, we thought we might be bringing the baby home from the hospital with us that day, and were told to get there as soon as we could. 

Around 12:00 pm CT

Our first taste of the south! We stopped for lunch at Hardee's for lunch where we found exemplary customer service. We should've known better when a biker dude at the nearest table told us it would be faster to go somewhere else and that he'd been waiting there for a LONG time. We ordered anyway. We sat and we waited, and we witnessed the southern way of life. Lots of people were waiting, while all the cooks were arguing about how to do things. And for as much as they argued and talked about how to do things, nothing actually got done, and so we waited some more. This became a theme we saw a few times on our trip. 

About 1:00 pm CT

We found our way to the hospital in Meridian Mississippi. We knew we wouldn't be bringing Nicole home that day and were relieved. As excited as were, we needed a good night's sleep. 

Not wanting to come in empty handed we went to buy some flowers. You would think with about 5 hospitals in the area one would have a gift shop open on a saturday?! Nope. Only one florist was open. Back to the hospital. Both of us wanted to freshen up a little since we had been traveling all night, we wanted to look somewhat presentable to S & M (names withheld for privacy).

When we made our way to the baby wing the nurses told us what room S was in. I was so nervous, more nervous than I have been for anything in my life. I laughed and asked Jeremy, "She knows we're white, right?!" My nerves were fried, every horror story I'd ever heard about adoption and birth moms changing their minds popped into my head! We came in slowly and were greeted by S. She was the kindest woman, I knew that immediately. It felt like she was the best friend I never knew I had. We talked for a minute and she asked if we wanted to see the baby. Of course we did, I said yes, feigning to be a little less excited than I was, trying not to jump up out of my chair with joy. 

That's when we met our new baby girl, this beautiful, tiny baby. We both took turns holding her and stroking her head. I think it was love at first sight. We talked with S for a while and then M joined us a while later. We loved our time with them, getting to know them and their personalities, what a blessing it was for us to have that time with them. They were so much like us, we knew Nicole would fit into our family very well after meeting S &M.  We talked as long as we could, but our sleep deprivation couldn't be ignored any longer. We said goodbye to S & M and baby Nicole. 

Around 5:00 pm CT

Longing for sleep we headed ... to Walmart. There was no time to pack any baby things in our mad dash the night before, we needed supplies. Onsies, bottles, formula, blankets, etc. On to the hotel. It turns out that after you've been awake for a very many number of hours, it takes a certain percentage of that time to wind down and go to sleep. I don't remember what time we went to bed that night, but I do know it was late, and I also know I slept extremely well!

8:50 am (We thought) CT Saturday March 8th

I pushed my glass up to the juice machine and nothing came out. Still groggy I tried a few more times, still not working. Jeremy and I started to get some food and noticed a maid taking things away. A man sitting at a table laughed and said, "You did the same thing I did! I forgot about daylight savings. They're cleaning up, you'll have to ask them to turn on the machine." Oops, yes we did completely forget about that. It's not like we had anything on our minds!

After a few phone calls we discovered that S was able to go home the previous night and we called her at home to discuss details for the day. We were going to meet at the hospital after the doctor had checked in on Nicole the last time. 

Around 11:00 am CT

We made it to the hospital first and waited in an empty room. S & M came soon after and we got to visit for a few minutes before the nurse came in and started the check- out process. She was packing diaper bags for us and handing documents and tags to S. I knew this day was going to be hard, but I was not prepared. I was trying not to cry; I was excited, nervous, scared and had no idea what to do or to expect. We all went to the parking lot together. I asked to get a picture of S & M with Nicole so that Nicole will have that when she is older. They took a picture of her as well and buckled her into our car seat and into our car. We gave hugs and said our good byes, M told me to keep in touch (which we will), and they left.

We sat in silence for a moment, finally able to breathe. I looked at Jeremy and every emotion I had poured out of me through the tears streaming down my face. I was happy, truly I was, but in that moment I was also in the depths of despair. I felt their loss so fully that I couldn't help but sob. I was sad for them and for the feelings they were going to experience in the future. Part of me felt terrible, like I had stolen their baby. Part of me wondered why they couldn't keep her, why we were being blessed through their bitter situation? I tried and tried to stop, but my heart was breaking for them. Jeremy felt the same way I did. 

Back at the hotel we sat and stared at our miracle, happy and still sad, and in love. We made some phone calls and wrote e-mails to make our announcement. I took a few pictures because I knew everyone was dying to see what she looked like. And finally, when there were no more tears, hunger took over. We decided to go out to dinner....